Since I remember (or even more accurately, since I remember myself thinking), I was always asking myself one question constantly: Who or What am I?
As I have been asking myself this question now already since quite some time, so naturally sometimes some hints presented itself in revealing this mysterious Identity of mine.
A few things were clear right from the start. I was born on the 19th of July in a small village in Upper Austria, obviously chose the male version of a human being, and got defined as Cancer in my Birth sign with Virgo as Ascendant through this constellation. It became quite clear until now also, that my eyes are blue, and my hair blond. At one point I stopped growing physically at the height of 178 cm, and also since then only shoes in size 43 really suit me well.
Well, isn´t this telling a lot already?
Nevertheless, who I am still wasn´t very clear to me. So I kept on enquiring. After some cautious steps into the esoteric marketplace a few more traces revealed itself. If I would add the numbers of my birth date accordingly and correct, the ancient wisdom of the Tarot, is telling me that I am living under the influence of the 5 in the great Arkana, which represents the Hierophant. The old Maya knowledge reveals my life governed by the Kin 17. I am also Manifesting Generator with 3/5 profile in the Human Design System, and somebody once felt the urge to tell me that I probably belong to the world of the elves, and originally came from the Pleiades. Well…
The more I got to know, the more urgent the question strived for an answer. Sometimes I thought to come closer, and hoped for a revealing glance behind the mystical veil. Other times I got promised the answer, and many times I hoped to just receive a satisfying explanation from moving here and there. And even more details and clues kept on coming in. In the Tibetan Pulsing System of Organs my voice resonates with the Lungs, in the Chinese System of elements I mainly consist of Wood, with a bit of Metal and Water. In India the Ayurveda System then insisted, that I am mainly Pitta/Vatta, meaning, Fire and Air.
Hmmm.
So many details and still no clear picture. Well, maybe I just have to consider what else it is, that I know about myself. Male, white, went to school, and at one point even to University, loves travelling and movement, the new and some routines. Has a loud laughter and enjoys the vibration of his voice in the chest. Loves Martial Arts, Contact Improvisation, Mountains and especially one lake. Enjoys sitting in silence and loud music while cooking, Meditation, the conscious way of working with people and is continuously fascinated by the evolution of existence.
Hmmm
Actually, quite a lot of information.
But, Who am I now really?
Could anybody now with all this information draw a live picture of a person, and would that person then be “Me”?
If I wouldn´t have had the grace, to directly and fully experience who I am, I could gather even more information, and I still wouldn´t know.
The answer to this question, is experienced beyond the limitations of individual features, aspects, talents and faults, remembered or forgotten moments.
Who I am, is the constant awareness of the unchanging ever-present in it´s complete devotion into every newborn moment.
Who I am, is always available, if I sleep, dream, wake or as just now type some letters. If I remember or if I forget…
Resting in this certainty, this play with all the details and features, the talents and faults, acquires a new charm. They are simply the colorful, glittery accessories in the awareness of who I really am, freed of the burden, of having to answer a question, of which they know nothing about…
…and so, I am looking forward to add even more details to this biography of my life, and on this journey to maybe even meet you, if you might have asked yourself as well this question:
“Who am I?”
Khushru Gregor Steinmaurer